Friday, 12 July 2013

To My Brother On His 17th Birthday





Not only are you everything in the description and a constant reminder of my own aging, but you've become one of my best friends.



You're finally turning into the mature man I wanted you to be when instead you annoyed me so much that I stuck gum in your hair. Granted you were 2 and didn't know any better.

I remember how excited I was when you were born after months of apparently nagging for a brother, something I still contest doing. I remember my excitement subsequently fading upon seeing your piles of dirty nappies and fountains of tears, and of course when you took all the attention away from me...



I remember the time you nearly burnt the house down with an accidental "blue fire" mishap.

I remember the secret "don't tell mommy" pacts and the "let's rather ask daddy" plans...


But most of all I remember that you've provided me with some of my favourite memories, including your hangover at the age of 8, and you're the best brother anyone could ever ask for! Happy Birthday Ryan :)
May you live a happy, prosperous life and enjoy every moment of it! Know that even though I never say it or not as often as mommy wants me to, I love you :)






10 Signs Your Quarter-Life Crisis Is Looming and Why You're Excited About It!

When you reach your almost-middle-20's like I'm kinda-almost-about-to, you experience certain situations that make you feel extremely old, like post-37 old. Some of these everyday things may not mean anything to other people, but sometimes they make you think "Whoa. Curse Word. I'm getting old!" Here are some of my recent "Old Moments"...

1) When filling in forms with date of birth drop-down boxes you find yourself scrolling down for what feels like an eternity. (Why are people born in 2011 given the option to fill in these forms???)

2) Going out consecutive nights in a week is not only daunting but almost downright impossible! (Dinner on a Monday and a comedy show on a Tuesday?! Easy tiger! You're such a party animal)

3) Your would be one-minute hangover has now entered its 36th hour and all the Gingerbeer and fried eggs in the world isn't helping!

4) You now find yourself thrusting your driver's license at confused cashiers and bouncers at clubs (and even restaurant entrances).

5) You've just been sent the reminder to renew said driver's license.


6) You're not married yet so you can't sit at the adult table, but you have nothing to talk to the kids about because they have no idea who The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are.

7) 1996 feels like 10 years ago because 2003 feels like yesterday!

8) You get excited when big department stores have a sale on linen (your towel and duvet collection is coming along nicely).

9) When people cancel plans you rejoice in the fact that you don't need to leave home or your slippers.

10) All your favourite sports stars are younger than you and infinitely more successful than you'll ever be, but that's ok, cos you have comfy pants...



 

Friday, 21 June 2013

Ablaze sets Baxter on Fire

Apologies for the really cliche headline but there are simply no other words to describe the show put on by Afrika Ablaze in their new production entitled Raw Silk. Written, choreographed and produced by founder Glenda Jones the story tells one that is often ignored in South Africa - the story of the street children struggling to survive among the dregs of society. It focuses on their hopes of a better life often with the smallest amount of faith that they'll ever achieve their dreams.

The electrifying dancing and singing will pull you into their world. My companions for the evening were visibly entranced by the array of legs on display... no prizes for who was with me! What made the show even more special was that you can see the excitement and joy the performers radiated, their energy and enjoyment was infectious.

If you have have nothing else keeping you warm tonight or  tomorrow, there are still some tickets available through Computicket.


Thanks to Tasneem Jakoet for the heads up of this brilliant performance!

What I REALLY Learnt at Varsity

With my brother doing his job shadowing programme this week it got me thinking about life a few years ago... A time when opportunities seemed endless and your whole life seems to stretch out ahead of you. You have infinite choice on where to go to attain the knowledge you need to forge your blazing career path. Enter: The Varsity Years. (Note that this post also coincides with the world-wide release of the much anticipated Monsters Inc 2: Monsters University)


For me the most important lessons I learnt  were not the ones of the academic kind but rather the life skills that come with the adjustment of being classed an adult. (Thanks anyway parents, although a year in Barcelona or a car would've been cheaper)



Here are some of my favourite lessons (compiled with the help of my friends who saw me through the years):

1) How to Prioritise (i.e procrastinate - by MY definition - do the important things in life)
Well, the entire 10 Seasons of Friends wasn't gonna watch itself, someone had to do it... 2 weeks before June exams in my final year...

2) How to look interested in something that is boring you to death.
Simply stare at the lecturer's left shoulder quizically. Your concerted frown of concentration will mask the fact that you're judging his choice in tweed.

3) How to effectively judge people based on their outfit choices without verbalising judgement accidentally.
(See above) And also, here's looking at you New Balance wearing odd balls carrying hiking backpacks and donning shorts... it's 8 degrees and storming! Put on some real pants!

4) How to sokkie (This only applies to the small percentage of people brave enough to cross the Boerewors curtain) 
I have yet to see my best friend Caryn break out these unique dance moves... Harlem Shake?

5) How to assume the appropriate facial expressions when someone smarter than you is explaining a smart concept you don't understand.

6) How to pee silently while the line for the cubicle grows...

7) How to move stationery on your desk to detract from the rumbling tummy sounds.

8) How to fart while walking without your face giving you away (This gem courtesy of the combined efforts of Caryn And Staci )

9) How to hold a really bad nose blowing session till the end of an exam where you can hear a pin drop.

10) How to avoid eye contact with the preacher walking around on campus looking for his next victim.

11) How to escape a death trap (getting stuck between the closing doors of a bus and having to yell out to the driver for help) while your friend Tavia tries and fails to recover from a laughing attack

12) How to catch up on sleep and still manage to have copious notes that are study-worthy at the end of a lecture.

13) How to defend your food from winged predators who have no hesitation taking a bite of your bacon sandwich.

14) How to ace an essay on 1 hour of sleep, 2 questionable jugs of alcoholic beverages all 3 hours before it's due! (The things you do for a friend who's just broken up with an idiot (standard term for 'them"))

15) You will never have as much fun, enjoy your life, or make the best of friends and memories as you will during those years at college! 

I'd love to hear some of your favourite lessons too! Lemme know by leaving a comment below or tweeting me @TarrynJo

Thursday, 6 June 2013

REVIEW: The Fast & The Furious 6

I am not your typical car enthusiast by any stretch of the imagination. Of course I have my "Become a Super-Hero/Win-the-Lotto Car Wish List" which encompasses my all time favourite '67 Mustang and the neon green Gallardo, and I'm addicted to arcade racing games such as Need For Speed and Daytona (which often transcends to my actual driving techniques, much to my parents dismay).

#1 on my wish list - '67 Mustang
But I think in some ways I'm a closet-petrolhead...given my father's love for Formula One, my brother's ability to change a clutch without having been taught and my boyfriend's penchant for sending me pictures of cars titled "your birthday gift has arrived" and his not so secret crush on Jeremy Clarkson, is it any wonder that I found myself completely enthralled in The Fast & The Furious 6?! Not only was it my favourite in the franchise (After Tokyo Drift.. haha... Jokes!) ... but it's now got a place near Fight Club in my Top 15 favourite movies ever. Please be advised that there may be some spoilers in the text to follow...


The sixth installment of the Fast series picks up just after Dominic Toretto and his gang have gone their separate ways after making a big heist in Rio, in which they all acquired millions, in Fast 5. The "retired" criminals now live all over the world in varying degrees of opulence and luxury. The opening scene shows Dom (Vin Diesel) and Brian O'Connor (Paul Walker) completing a race they had bet on in the previous film, they end at O'Connor's new home where Mia (Jordana Brewster) has just gone into labour. The opening credits also includes a montage of scenes from the previous films, highlighting all the important moments in the series. The movie centers around Security Service agent Luke Hobbs (Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson) who tracks down Dom and persuades him to help take down Shaw (former British Special Forces soldier) whose crew is wanted for the destruction of a Russian military convoy and other criminal activities. Hobbs entices Dom to reunite his crew by showing him a recent photo of Letty Ortiz (Michelle Rodriguez), Dom's former girlfriend, whom he thought was dead. Dominic gathers his crew together and they accept the mission in exchange for full pardons for their past crimes, which will allow them to return home to the United States.




What I liked about the film was that it actually had a well-thought out script as opposed to aimless racing. The scenes shot on location were well choreographed, the use of CGI has improved dramatically and authentic looking fight scenes (my boyfriend's favourite was of course The Michelle Rodriguez (who he thinks I look like) vs Gina Carano fight scene in the London Underground) all added to the experience. There were many moments that had me gripping my chair What the directors have created in the feel of Dom's "family" makes the audience care about what happens to the characters, and not just the lead protagonists, but the others too. By creating a bigger group they have also introduced different levels of relationships and friendships and therefore, more action and "side" stories. The relationship between Han (Sung Kang)  & Gisele (Gal Gadot) adds an element of romance, while the often childish yet humorous banter between Ludacris' character Tej and Tyrese Gibson's Roman adds some comedic relief in a fast-paced, action-packed and downright fun movie!



Either way you look at it, fans of the franchise will most definitely enjoy this movie and the others will probably only be mildly entertained.


What some other critics had to say:

Richard Corliss (Time movie critic): "Five movies after The Fast and the Furious, the 2001 original (which was a loose remake of a 1955 film produced by Roger Corman), what’s left to do with cars? Well, this, from Fast Five: Dom drove a ’66 Corvette Grand Sport sideways out of a speeding freight car to race the train toward an imminent cliff. Then Dom’s blond buddy Brian (Paul Walker) leaped off the train and into the car milliseconds before it plummeted off the cliff and into a river far below. The bonding of the two autoholics was impressive, but not nearly so much as the teamwork of the Fast Five stunt team. In a movie era when dramatic ingenuity is close to evaporating, the complex, split-second choreography of men and cars is an expression of medium-to-high film art.

Read more: http://entertainment.time.com/2013/05/20/furious-6-faster-crazycars-thrill-thrill/#ixzz2VQhgo2qj"

Barry Ronge: "This time, however, they have moved well beyond cars. There are multiple trucks, a military-tank and even chase between the cars and plane trying to leave the runway. If you are looking for credible stories, human emotions and moral boundaries, stay away from this film. It’s all about excessive destruction of vehicles of all kinds, but you cannot fail to be amazed by a string of chases, accidents, pile-ups and every kind of destruction you can think of.

The pace is hectic but the stunts are stunning and even though it has a running time of two-hours plus, you don’t feel the length of the film, and nor do you have the time see how entirely impossible and implausible the film is."
 
Tom Charity (CNN, on Rotten Tomatoes): "Ludicrous, but undeniably fun and surprisingly affectionate, this is really all you could ask of a car crash movie, and more."

Some Fast & Furious Fun:

http://www.ew.com/ew/gallery/0,,20483133_20703023,00.html#21333056

Friday, 24 May 2013

Yesterday I Fried Samoosas At Work

And they were delicious! (I didn't make them, just fried them, apparently I have skills - If all else fails maybe I'll cross the road to Burger King and start my culinary career) It's just a pity we were having a farewell party for some colleagues, among them my first real work-friend, mentor and partner in crime Angie :) Her smile, voice and personality will definitely be missed in the passages.

Me & Angie at the Jan Braai Book Launch Last Year
With Masterchef judge Pete Goffe-Wood & Michele from the Blog: A Bunch of Mishtakes
Speaking of all things foodie, I'm off to my first ever Good Food & Wine Show at the CTICC tonight courtesy of Original Iced Cocktails! Can't wait to cool off with some Strawberry Daiquiris after this busy work week. Also hoping to spot some famous celebrity chefs including world-renowned,  3 Michelin stars rated Gordon Ramsay!

Just to whet the appetite and get into Friday-mode I've included some of my favourite Gordon memes! Happy Friday All!







Monday, 20 May 2013

Bon Jovi, Bieber, Zip-Lining, Mom's Day, #ThankYouSirAlex, #RIPVuyoMbuli... Titbits from the past 2 weeks

I've had a really busy and entertaining week or two and it's starting to show in my Swine-flu-like cough that's just about leaving me and the non-Guess bags under my eyes. But alas, it's been awesome! On Tuesday 7 May the sounds of a crooning guitar and the glare of Jon Bon Jovi's brilliantly white teeth dazzled the audience that filled Cape Town Stadium. Knowing that this man is the same age as my father had little effect on my friend Kirsty who fell head-over-heels for the jeans and leather-clad star in his opening few bars of You Give Love A Bad Name... Overall the show was pretty good, just the usual complaints of bad sound quality at the stadium, but your ears soon got used to it and you could easily recognise your favourite songs. My favourites include Bed of Roses and their encore rendition of Living on a Prayer really blew us away. Some people might have said that Bon Jovi acted as an opening act for Bieber the following night, but as Jon so aptly put it "I might not be as pretty as Justin Bieber, or able to dance as well as Justin Timberlake, but we've been around a helluva time longer than both of them put together!"





The next night was another night back at the stadium for Justin Bieber's Believe World Tour and this time I decided to take my mom with as an early Mother's Day gift. It was decidedly humiliating though when I saw that she out-danced me to the opening act of LCNVL (Locnville) and sang along to all the words of Chiano Sky's tracks. The atmosphere in the stadium was absolutely electric when the countdown for Bieber to appear started. 65 000 people screamed in unison, most of the voices being high-pitched pre-teen girls, I'm surprised glass around the stadium didn't shatter. It was a truly remarkable experience to behold. Hate him or love him Justin put on a show that won't easily be forgotten! He was a true performer, bringing girls to overwhelmed tears and some even passing out with excitement, reminiscent of the "Beattles Effect" their mothers and grandmothers would've experienced given the chance. My favourites included: Boyfriend, his medley and his encore containing his very first smash hit Baby, which actually made the whole stadium vibrate from jumping and screaming fans.







On that Saturday, to do something different, a group of friends and I decided to take the "short" hour or so drive to Caledon to do some tree-top zip-lining. Not sure how I stood on the fear of heights thing (given my crippling ornithophobia, coulrophobia and atychiphobia) But it turns out I wasn't reduced to a pile of jelly-legs and I had such an exhilarating time flying through the trees at SA Forest Adventures! I would do it again in a heart-beat! My only word of advice would be to maybe stay over for a weekend and combine it with some of the other activities that they have on offer.







On Sunday, 12 May, we celebrated Mother's Day, and being a family that doesn't indulge in lavish and expensive gifts, I did my favourite thing and got my mom a few things she genuinely loves and appreciates. Just to show her how much I appreciate her and the many things she does for us. Also I'm very glad she doesn't resemble any of the mom-charaters in the TV shows we enjoy watching together! Thank you mom for all the advice, lectures and the odd "I told you so" that has groomed me into the person I am today!




On that day Manchester United also received the Barclays Premier League Trophy for this season and Sir Alex Ferguson announced his retirement as manager coach, a position he's had for 26 years. I honestly feel like I'm losing a grandfather I never knew.



Speaking of loss, South Africa lost a true journalistic icon this weekend. Vuyo Mbuli, a news reporter on Morning Live died tragically on Saturday night. Although I didn't know him personally his death has moved me quite a bit. The simple act of getting ready in the mornings and watching him and his co-anchors deliver the news becomes such a part of your daily routine that you start to take it for granted. It just goes to show that none of us knows when our time will be up and we really should make the most of every moment we have!



Happy Monday All, Let's hope this is a good week (it should be, it's payday Friday!) Sharp! Sharp! :)






Tuesday, 9 April 2013

Why She Seemingly Hates Your Female Friends More Than Your PS3

Early on in a relationship, once the initial interview stage is over, there comes a time to delve deeper into the life of your significant other. Meeting the family, hearing about ex-es, dropping the first laugh/fart/cough combo, are all important milestones in the early stages but the ultimate test comes in meeting the "friends".

For the guys, meeting her girlfriends is pretty much a walk in the park. As you were charming enough to land her, it goes without a doubt that unless you are visibly an axe-wielding murderer your smile is bound to melt their hearts in no time and you're more than likely to be greeted by "awwws". Her guy friends won't give you too much trouble either, as long as you support the same football team as them, aren't a pansy and don't make her cry, you'll be fine.

On the other side of the coin, of course when she meets your guyfriends she'll pass with an A+, she has boobs. Case closed. (And she's probably higher than a 7 all-round)


Nevermind your mom, or your ex, it's your female friends she's weary of, because in her mind they are automatically labelled as "potential threats". (Truth be told she is probably over-analysing, but that is the female way...Sorry ladies...) Not only is your female friends the ones who will help pick out your girlfriend's birthday gift, but they also know you since Nam and when you still thought dungarees were cool... So your girlfriend starts at a distinct disadvantage more often than not.

Although most men will never look at their female friends as anything more than cool dudes with long hair, your girlfriend will often view them as one would hungry wolves.


Having both been friend and girlfriend I've come to a little conclusion and hypothesis: Although some females will protect their male friends as one would a brother, there are the odd few who have the innate ability to simply create and enjoy havoc...tread carefully.

So here's my titbits to all those involved:

The Boyfriend:
1) Introduce the girlfriend to the "girlfriends" as late as possible (get her to like you so much that her innate hate is clouded)
2) Don't leave her alone like a zebra carcass in the lion's den
3) Make sure your female friend is indeed a friend and wing-woman and not your wannabe-woman-on-the-side

The Girlfriend:
1) Don't go "crazy-stalker"
2) I repeat DON'T GO CRAZY STALKER
3) She really is just a friend, if he wanted her to be more, she would be

The Boyfriend's Female Friend:
1) Be the sister he sees you as
2) Leave the inappropriate whispers, touches, high-pitched, private-joke giggle, hair tossing, etc for the single guys
3) Just take a little step back
4) Don't try to do any sabotage a la Julia Roberts circa 1997 in My Best Friend's Wedding

That hair? No thanks!



Thursday, 7 March 2013

8 Things That P*** Me Off More Than Nani's Red Card

1) Kitten Heels
My Biggest Pet-Hate. EVER! You are not 7 and having to learn how to walk in heels. Man Up! and get a real pair!


2) People Who Don't Allow You To Get Out The Lift Before Trying To Get In
It's already awkwardly uncomfortable, what with the weird convo-starter-man and the staring silent woman, now we have to do that side-step dance routine for a round or 2. Just stop being a tard and let me get out first!
3) Combination Names That Don't Exist In The Real World Or Those Name Gift Stuff At Cardies That Make An Easy Gift

Acryzinia... Wow, your parents hated you since the day you were born. Shame.


 4) People who have no idea what a lane, circle or indicator is.

No, I don't have road rage, you just bought your driver's license!!!

 

5) Small Talk

I saw the weather, I don't need you to tell me it's nice (or not).



6) Doilies - The most pointless material ever!



7) People who like their own status on Facebook


8) Old people who pretend to be nice.

Old people are not nice it's all an illusion to make you do what they want you to!


And finally, 75,765 people AND Sir Alex Ferguson could not be wrong... worst ref decision ever!!!