Wingardium Leviosa

I'm very excited about my first ever "Guest-Blogger" Post... About 11 years ago my best friend sent me a letter detailing how she would like her next boyfriend to behave. She wrote me a letter even though we sat next to one another, because we were just short of banned from talking to each other in class - frankly I don't know how we passed primary school so well! Anyway... the only words I remember are "he should make me tea, and fetch me things," of course having no previous boyfriend experience this pretty much seemed the standard criteria and I agreed that such a specimen should come along soon... Then we met boys, men, guys, douchebags, gentlemen and some more douchebags and all the trouble started! But Caz is determined to find that tea-making boyfriend out there!

Chivalry is NOT dead.

By: Caz Stoltenkamp (@CallMe_Caz)

"Who killed chivalry? They need to get their sentence in." - Drake (Fear)

I've been single for some time now (four years and some spare change, but who's counting) so every year when February comes around for its annual visit, my general disposition is slightly more bitter than sweet. The shopping centres are decked out in disgusting shades of red and pink; I am confronted with cheap, shitty heart stickers at every turn, and the general air of love just affronts me. This year, though, I decided to dispense with the boo-hoo-I'm-single attitude and treat poor ole Feb just as any other month. 

So there I was, minding my own business and finding amusement in fellow singles' bitterness towards Valentine's Day, when a wild Cupid appeared! Now, I've never been particularly fond of this fellow. I find him to be incredibly suspicious - a creepy winged dwarf shooting at you? Hell naw. (Does he even have a licence for that weapon? Or a Visa to be traveling so freely? Are those adult diapers? These are questions that need answers. I'm just saying...) 

But anyway. Let's not get sidetracked here. 

So Cupid pops in for a chat. And as I said; he's not my favourite character. Far too many times has he directed me to the willing arms of douchebags and I was, quite frankly, sick of his shit. So it was not without a generous dose of sceptism when I accepted someone's surprise request to meet up for drinks. I wasn't expecting to be asked out on any dates but - being the hopeless romantic that I am - I decided to trust Cupid for old times' sake. 

The meet-and-greet for drinks went surprisingly well; he was smart, funny, charming, and everything I generally look for in a guy. This obviously raised the alarm; when did Cupid decide to look out for a sister? But yeah, we get to chatting and agree to have a follow-up lunch date, and I'm finding that I really quite like this guy. He addresses me with respect and treats me like a lady. Opening doors for me, pulling the chair back for me, politely declining my offer to split the bill. That was all very strange for me though, I definitely was not prepared for the company of this chivalrous man and what a complete delight it was!

Ok, I'm not saying I'm suddenly in love - oh, goodness no. I'm just saying that that lil fatty with the bow and arrow did some good for a change. I had all but resigned myself to the opinion that gentlemen no longer existed, because women generally don't get treated in such a fashion anymore. Not in my experience at least.

So this change in pace is welcomed, and also, enlightening. Here's a collection of truths I've gleaned from my rather vast dating record:

1.       As women we walk a tightrope of endorsing a confident, independent attitude whilst at the same time trying to exude a ladylike demureness about ourselves. This is conflicting in nature, of course, and for some reason guys like to be stingy with compliments; or, package compliments as an underhanded insult. As a grown woman I still have that little girl inside of me who likes to dress up and look pretty, and I like receiving compliments about it. A real gentleman will tell you quite simply that you look beautiful, without the unnecessary additions.

2.       Why do we, as ladies, gravitate towards the 'bad boys'? It's a problem, and I certainly don't have the answers - since I've frequently been caught in that poisonous orbit - but I have learnt one thing on this matter: STAY AWAY. Aint no bad boys looking for love! You know the type; arrogant, self-centered, an inferior simpleton of epic proportions - the usual. 

3.       Instead of looking for those endearing qualities you want in a guy, work on a process of elimination: find what you DON'T like and tick them off your hypothetical list as you go. This way, if you find your list to be rather filled out, you can deduce immediately that he/she is not for you. 

4.       Date. Explore the goods on offer, because you really won't know what's out there unless you sample a wide variety.

5.    Finally, and most importantly, be patient and be prepared for a couple more douchebags. But don't let these abhorrent specimens discourage you, Cupid has a reputation for having strange timing - you just never know when it's your turn. 

 *****

Caz is a 22 year old with an awesome view and opinion of the world. She's a nerd with tattoos. Straddling that line between cool & uncool because she likes to live dangerously. For more follow her on twitter here and head to her cowbird page here

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Oh Sh*t, I'm not turning 22 this year...

I'm at that point in my life where I've had to add an "err..." to my age. "How old are you?" used to warrant a simple answer: "15" with a size 6 figure (not my bank balance figure) to match! Now... when I get asked this question I actually have to pause and think about it... "Twenty... errr... two".

It's scary to think that, give or take a zit, puberty is pretty much over and bonds and pension lie in wait. I am now preparing for the quarter-life crisis, with my first major working-world experience coming to an "end" (My internship ends at the end of March) and the hunt for my "Big Break" begins... the pressure is on! Luckily for me I've proved useful at home and my parents are in no rush to force me to learn how to cook 2min noodles.

I realised I was getting old when I started saying how "relaxing" my weekends were... I'm 22 my weekends should be anything but!! But being ocd I need my five-year plans to keep me sane, and just for fun I have a "Before I turn 30 bucket list"

I still have less than a decade to enjoy my twenties so these are some of the guidelines I plan to use to survive becoming a real adult:

1) Don't be scared to have an opinion
You are pass the age where "adults" ask you questions and you answer with your polite "yes" or "no". Now you actually expected to engage in a conversation!

2) On that note: Improve your general knowledge
I'm assuming that if you're reading this you don't live under a rock... Good, now make sure your brain doesn't represent one!

3) Savour your 20's hangovers
When you're 35 it's just a little depressing.

4) Save. Save. Save.
Pull a Scrooge McDuck on your finances. It will come in handy later!

5) Watch cartoons & laugh like you don't have a care in the world!

6) Have breakfast for dinner...

7) Always stay curious!

Two Legends, Two Nights, History to be Made!

It's no secret that I'm a huge football fan... In particular a Manchester United Fan. I can't imagine any other fan able to do anything but count down the hours to the Bernabéu!

Tonight, two of (in my opinion) the biggest three football teams in the world meet in their first stage of the UEFA Champions League Final 16. Instead of preparing for July (I'm taking the day off at my desk), cleaning up my desk and whetting my appetite for tonight. Mirror Football has done an awesome collection of previous footage (hahaha pun) click here to check it out! 

And some I've collected today:

All roads lead to the return at Old Trafford on 5 March 2013... Take me Home United Road to the place I Belong...

 

Happy Desperation Day!

Barney Stinson coined this phrase for me two years ago in the 6th Season of How I Met Your Mother, and ever since it has stuck. I don't feel like explaining the theory so I'm going to let him do it:

Today got me thinking about past Valentines Days dating all the way back to primary school. I miss the days where we all gave our 7 year old crushes paper-mache cards and candy hearts and maybe even a Chomp or two. As adults though, for some reason we insist on making things complicated and pressured. Bearing in mind that I am not Catholic and I only know two Saint Days - V-Day and St Paddy's (I realise these aren't actually religious days) perhaps I am no expert on the matter but here are my tips to surviving the mad, red dash!

Gifts:

If you've been together for 27 years then perhaps the excitement of a humorous card, that box of Lindt, red roses and a tired "Happy Valentine's Day" is all you need, I on the other hand have a general rule of thumb - if you like the person, get them something they'd like, not what you think they might like... this can be tricky! Pay attention to their post-Christmas, post-Birthday presents-opening facial expressions... If they smiled and squealed: go in that direction; if they left it half-opened to check their Twitter-feed - you're doing it wrong!

The Date:Dinner and a movie is standard. For it to be amazing, make the dinner and the movie (LOL. Just Joking Wanna-Be-Kim-K!) Do something you wouldn't do on an ordinary date, even if you do absolutely nothing, just make sure you're having fun!

Whether you're single, coupled up or confused as to which you are, whatever happens tomorrow let's try and celebrate love in all its forms, it's definitely something we could all use!

"I'm gonna make you girls a Humpday treat..."

Actually, I'm just gonna gift you with glimpses of my favourite, hunky, TV series trio...I'd take Revenge (served HOT) with any of these boys any day! Happy Hump Day All - Downhill to the weekend!

How can you not fall in love with these guys' sparkly, dancing, laughing, mysterious eyes?

Motivational Monday #001

I am by no means a gym freak, if anything I will avoid the smell, the taste and the textures (shudder) above anything else. Having politely hidden from the place for just over 2 months I dragged myself back to get rid of the baby weight I picked up, here's the thing... I didn't have a baby!

But I'm glad I'm back, I'm not dropping kilos like Eminem drops hits but I feel better and to me that is all the difference I need :) Inspired by fellow blogger A Bunch Of Mish-Takes'* take on BodyLove and the like, I've learned to embrace my flawsomenss and just get off my hind and move. What also helps is having a friend on the opposite side of the gender scale telling me "Don't lose the hips, or the bum, or the boobs and don't develop a 6 pack!" Now that's encouragement!

Some Of My Biggest (excuse the pun) Inspirations:

Beyonce in February 2013 GQ, by no means a size 6 (photoshopped or not) but still looking HOT!

 

Jessica Alba has been on my role model list since her Dark Angel days!

 

*Click on the link and discover the Mishtery and you might just win a fantastic prize! (Cape Town Only!)

The Wait for Dr Dan, Sam or McSteamy

Aah, the month of love, birds chirping & hearts fluttering...this would usually be the point where I say "What B.S" But not anymore! No, I haven't fallen head-over-heels but, I have been inspired by recent love stories I've been told which has awakened my deep down hopeless romantic :)

Being a movie-lover, series-addict and book-worm, I'm always on the hunt for a good story and I'm even more intrigued by love stories - because no two stories will EVER be the same (no matter how generic the formula). I've heard and seen a number of good stories over the years, but 2 real-life ones have stuck with me. The one will be in my book (out 2018) and the other is the beginning of a love story that never actually starts...

Once upon a time (this might sound Chicken Soup for the Soul-ish) my friend arrived back from her overseas holiday and told us the story of her 13 hour flight home. She was seated next to a guy who introduced himself as Daniel. A doctor who works in underprivileged African countries. She described him to be not too bad in the looks department either. Sigh. They might've spent the entire flight chatting but they never exchanged numbers... and that's where the story *ends* I could still slap her!

I don't have unrealistic notions about life and love but I don't think it's a tragedy to "not settle". At the end of my life I hope that there's a huge chapter with my love story, and I know it probably won't feature Fabregas, but atleast I'd want it to be somebody that brings out the best in me and challenges me and makes me laugh, and if he happens to be a doctor who works with orphans, why the hell not?

Basically, what I'm trying to say is: let this month inspire you to really celebrate your love story and if you don't have one... start writing!

Beware the 2nd most indulgent month of the year! But most importantly go out and fave fun!

My Favourite Story:

Don't you worry, don't you worry child... See this weekend's got a plan for you...

After a week that seemed to be stuck on one day, Groundhog-Day-style, and all the drama of taking care of a sick dog (more stress than a child I predict)  it's such a relief to be looking forward to a weekend filled with friends and outdoor activities (with a much needed rejuvenation in the bank account!)

On Sunday my friends and I will be going to Swedish House Mafia One Last Tour. Although unknowingly I've liked their music for about a year or two (with Who's Gonna Save The World Toniiiiigghhht and further back From Miami to Ibiza) I've only been grabbed by them since my mother started putting the TV on full blast whenever their latest video comes on. Here's what Wikipedia says about the group:

"Swedish House Mafia is a Swedish electronic dance music trio consisting of three house djs and producers, Axwell, Steve Angello, and Sebastian Ingrosso. The group officially formed in late 2008. The supergroup placed at number ten on the DJ Magazine Top 100 DJ Poll 2011 and have been called "the faces of mainstream progressive house music." On June 24, 2012, the group announced via their website that their current tour would be their last together."

I haven't been to a major concert since Kings Of Leon, so I'm really looking forward to letting my hair down and dancing till my feet scream blue murder at me. On that note there's only one thing left to do..."it's the weeeeeeeeeekkkkeeeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnndddddddd BABY!"

How Not To Suck At Life And Other Useful Tips

Most people think that because of my sunny disposition and smiling nature that I am an optimistic and agreeable person. This is only "half" true. While this might be the case 97% of the time, the other 3% I am either a cynical realist or just a cold-hearted [insert expletive of your choice - my mother has her favourites, I can't say them as I cannot spell most of them]. I wasn't always like this, I blame my interactions with other humans for my general attitude that "ëveryone is stupid until they prove otherwise". Most people use the saying "life is short, live it fully"; I like to say "life is too short to be stupid". Before I get bashed for calling people stupid, I'm not talking about formal education, I mean the everyday things that people do that annoy others but no-one ever says anything... till now:

1) As Much As You Want To Believe It You Are Not Better Than Anybody Else
You might have more money, brains (I use this term loosely), possessions, friends and hair than the next person but unless you are the Mother Theresa to their Hitler, you are equal in every single way. Therefore, stop bragging... It's annoying and just makes people think you're stupid.

2) Your Facebook Album Titled "Me" Will Never, Ever Be A Portfolio
Sigh. This might surprise you, but unless your profile picture is a dumb car we already know what you look like we don't need 205 pictures of you in various bathrooms and dressing rooms (with phone in hand, and clothes you have yet to pay for or just about to put back on the rack). Real classy!

3) So You Only Listen To Underground, Undiscovered, Under-rated Music Aren't You Just The Cool Kid?
So what if other people like music with words in it and not just bass and noise? So what if it's "commercial" as you snobbishly say. I didn't know there were so many Doug Morris's (CEO of Sony Music) and professional music executives running amok. Also, whenever an artist comes to perform [in SA] stop the "Since when is everyone a fan of ********??" get a ticket and go or shut up and don't.

4) Freeways Are For Driving, Not A Leisurely Stroll At 75km.
Ok, this is perhaps just an outlet for my road rage, but please, it's 7.15am and there's nobody in front of you for atleast a km, let me get to work and beat the traffic!

5) It's 2013, Stop Dressing Like It's 1993
There's no excuse for having no sense of style, I'm not saying you have to join the Armani Army, just lose the red skinny; red t-shirt; weird, ornate belt buckle and red Chucks combo - you look like recession, skinny Santa :/

6) Not Being Familiar With Sarcasm, Humour or Popular Culture
PLEASE read a book, or just watch the news, or do something slightly educational... Your "LOL" responses in convos are the bane of my existence.

7) Justin Bieber has a Lambo, What do you have Hater?
This constant need to "hate on" celebrities confuses me, unless your criticism is directed at Bafana Bafana (who now seem to think everyone loves them) it falls on deaf ears... Get a life!

Now go forth and be awesome!

Just for some laughs:
"Overheard" in the office this week so far:

"For R6K he can atleast give some tongue, or just a top lip lick" - Name Withheld (On Meet and Greet Justin Bieber Tickets)

"Who flirts by saying 'Salaam a laykum'??? That's like saying "Jesus Christ" in a sexy voice" - Faiza (My new token Indian)

2013 The Year of the Me, Myself and I

2013 is just over a week old, which means that most of you have already forgotten your Jan 1^st 2:37am resolutions – including “no more searching for the one”, “I’m gonna start going to gym” & the infamous “I’m never drinking again”. This year I’ve decided to just skip the part where I make these empty, sweeping statements and instead: just start doing.

If the Chinese are right, which they almost always are, then this year of the snake is supposed to be the yang to the yin of my 2012. I’m choosing to believe that all the hard work, blood, sweat and tears (all literally btw) of last year will finally come to some sort of glorious fruition this year.

I only have 11 weeks and 2 days left as an intern, and then, I’ll either be happily chained to a desk for the rest of eternity or unemployed at home watching Dr Phil in my snuggy… (I don’t have a snuggy). My career will take centre-stage in my life this year, I have my dreams and this will be the year that I start making them a reality. With this as my starting point, I've also decided to start putting myself first for a change. I'm done being a push-over and allowing people to abuse my niceness. (Thank-You Assertiveness Course) Ultimately, I aim to be the same anti-blue-jellybeans;  pro-choice;  staunch Man-Utd supporter;  best daughter ever - person I am, just... better. Much like that Dr Seuss saying I've been seeing all too-often lately, "Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You."

I don't think I've ever been as excited for a year to start as this one. There are so many things to look forward to this year, and so many things to do! And just a few things I vow to do... (these will not be called resolutions)

1) Use my passport and leave SA land

2) Start my novel

3) Stop making excuses (go to gym)

4) Date without lowering my standards

5) Listen to less Taylor Swift songs :/

Here's to 2013 bringing lots of luck, love, success, happiness and nice smelling people to us all!

My Vision Board for 2013 - Visualizing Goals Make them Easier to Achieve

 Some Pins from Pinterest that will be inspiring my 2013: