#TitbitsGuide to watching sports with your significant other or random sports fans

I often wonder if in another life I was a football hooligan, running amok in the streets of the UK with a Vinnie Jones demeanor, Carragher attitude and Rooney mouth. However, I've only ever been in detention twice in my life. The first time was football related, the second something about my nails being too Frenchly manicured. I was in Primary School (the first time) when I got in trouble with a group of boys for playing soccer in a restricted zone and then kicking my silver football on the garage roof. It didn't help that I was a prefect at the time. This was the beginning of my "one of the boys" initiation.

Whenever I find myself in a heated debate it somehow always has something to do with Manchester United, or pseudo-New Zealanders who live in South Africa. And it's not until the opposition realises that I know what happened that night in May 1999 at the Camp Nou, or that I know Jonah Lomu, before they back down. (Do you know how difficult it is to try and think of a way to incorporate "Ole-Gunnar" into your future son's name?!)

That is why on the eve of the biggest sporting rivalry kick-off (not to mention the Rugby World Cup next week) I'm very glad that my boyfriend and I are on the same team. He doesn't scoff when I swear at players, lines-men, ref or medical staff, or when I complain that some wanker is slowing the game down. Maybe that's because he's afraid of my Hulk-Girl hidden personality or it's because he knows my love for certain teams is second only to him and my family. (or that my Utd trivia is slightly superior :P)

I wish this transcended to the rest of the world though. All I want is to be able to walk into a bar with my supporter t-shirt on and not have eyes look at me that think "she's doing it for him".

Sure enough, there are females who pretend to like or know sports for the attention or praise of men and usually they don't last till half-time and are more than happy to carry drinks. (Men pretend to love sports too, although that's just to fit in, and possibly sadder).

But whatever the reason, loving sports, or even just enjoying it together, has ways of bonding people for life.

1) Make all the snacks together. For one, no-one will be stabbed with a Dorito and secondly SOMEONE will remember the ice.

2) Don't start a quiz night when you don't agree with someone's opinion OR think their opinion is of less value. (I know this grates my partner-in-United-love Tavia just as much as me)

3) Don't pretend to like it if you'll rather impale yourself in the eye. I can't ever get back those wasted overs and day 3's spent wishing cricket was more exciting. 6 minutes of excitement crammed into 6 hours :/

 4) If you are on a first date and trying to impress learn some fun facts it will throw them off-guard.
WAZZA!!!

5) Remember that there was a time when someone had to introduce you to the sport as well.

6) Don't just say "I don't like sports" because you don't understand it. Chances are your partner is dying to explain it all to you. (Besides the fact that they're, of course, the expert) I do appreciate knowing where Damian De Allende is supposed to be (centre or wing) so I can capture these golden moments:

7) Go to a live game. One of the top 5 feelings in the world is participating in the Mexican Wave.

8) Don't be a "spoilsport" with the hate-statuses if you're not interested in sports events, no-one cares, they don't even care if you ARE interested. "Sigh, I hate all these soccer statuses" sound familiar? Get a life.

9) The offside rule is not an unsolvable algorithm. And Drogba is ALWAYS faking it.

 

10) Predictions?

15 Reasons I'm Tired of being a Woman during "Women's Month" in 2015

And no, I'm not asking you to call me Travis. I often have my outbursts of pseudo-feminism, but during this month I felt particularly incensed when I was told to  "think like a man" by the company that assumes all I do with their product is write shopping lists!

What irritates me the most about "women's month" is the condescending tone in which women are addressed, it's the same as Aunt Jane pinching my cheeks and saying "aww, you're so cute,". Don't touch me weird lady I've never met! Not to mention the irony of the possible release of Oscar Pistorius this month, after ruthlessly killing his girlfriend without asking any questions. Besides that, the true meaning of celebrating women in South Africa this month is lost on the majority of the population. Those who have no idea what women like Cissie Gool, Nadine Gordimer, Emily Hobhouse and Miriam Makeba and all the others, did for the Women's Movement in the 1960's.

And that's all besides the issues and stereotypes women STILL have to deal with in 2015.

1) Having to pay for feminine hygiene products or contraceptives. (Or even make-up or perfume, cos obviously I need to look like this to win at life, or not let my husband sue me for how I look without make-up :/)

 

2) Besides having man shoulders, weird hairlines and sucky nail beds, I also have to contend with being too skinny on Mondays, too curvy on Tuesdays and too awesome on Wednesdays...
Can we please stop the body shamming? Cos we all wish we could eat like Chrissy Teigen and look like Khloe... but we're built differently and need to start working with what our momma gave us...

  

 

3) Being expected to make sandwiches while the game is on. Stop asking me for stats from 1809 to prove that I know what I'm talking about or that I actually enjoy sports. (For those females that would like to learn how to  watch with their sexist boyfriend and his friends - watch this space)

4) Feeling like a patriarchal douche when I have to deal with a woman who has no idea what to do after 3rd gear. See Previous Rant

5) Dealing with man-flu

 

6) Having to help with the dishes, cos "your brother is a man, he can't do it"   what the %@$#! is that?

7) I shouldn't swear cos it's not "ladylike"? Would you rather I punch you in the face?

 

8) Being called stuck-up when I don't smile or decline your food, and then all of a sudden "pms / must be on a diet"

9) BRA STRAPS

10) Men getting paid more for the same job

11) Men being idolised for being an asshole and we're classified as "mean girls" when we defend ourselves.

12) Being told what to wear.

13) Slut shaming women, but applauding men for following Hugh Hefner or Jacob Zuma.

14) Being judged depending on the level of make-up I decide to put on my face, today I was actually told I should wear it everyday to look more beautiful. Ouch. Just let me be five and plaster my whole face with red lipstick. Either way, I put on make-up for ME, not your narrow mind that can't tell the difference between nude, copper, bronze or cocoa.

15) Plain, old DOUBLE - Standards!

7 Reasons to #RelationshipGoal Chrissy & John based on their Instagram posts - RIP Bennifer & Skourt

Society's love affair with celebrity romances are as old as gossip itself. No-one really knows why we feel a pang of sadness when the hero cheats or the heroine "doesn't want to ruin her career with a baby" so they divorce, and rip each other to shreds. Why DO we care about these people who have no idea that we even exist? Is it purely aspirational? If so, then my golden couple to idolise right now has to be Chrissy Teigen & John Legend...

1) They seem REAL, well as real as you can seem to be.
She shows us her stretchmarks, he talks about his humble beginnings...

2) They are sucessful apart, but even better as a power couple.
She's working on her very own cookbook, he's hopefully working on his 6th studio album.

3) Meals don't seem to be the equivalent of negotiating a pre-nup.
Just eat! 

4) They probably don't agree on everything. Any couple who doesn't fight, is lying. It's absolutely impossible to agree on everything.

5) They build together. If a New York apartment isn't part of your architectural dreams we can't be friends! Only I have architectural dreams? Oh well.

6) They laugh. All the time.

7) They have fun! And enjoy being able to also just "do nothing" together.
Possibly the most important part of a relationship,  that and being silly together.

Of course assumptions made purely by appearances are obviously very questionable in the age of Amaro, Valencia, and the other culprits. Either way, "must be nice" to pull off such a lovely aesthetic.

We've already lost the only hope Hollywood had at a lasting couple when Bennifer broke up. Not to mention the loss of the only humour (besides Khloe's quick wit) in the Kardashian klan with the exit of the Lord.