Friday, 29 April 2016

Stop Forcing Yourself On Me

After a 4 month hiatus I'd like to say, "I'm back, b*tches" But let's not make any promises.

Calling 2015 a "difficult" year is by far the nicest thing I can say about it. Now that 2016 has passed the quarter mark it seems "difficult" was only the first rung on the ladder of "oh, well, shit!" All the #ThingsToLeaveIn2015 has conveniently been forgotten; new years resolutions lie discarded in dustbins outside Virgin Active and people are still, literally, the worst.

All I want is people to just back off and chill, I'm so done with so many annoying behaviours, but so far this is my Top 5:

1) People who think they're entitled to know / comment / give advice on every detail of my life.

It's no longer cute when people ask "When are you A) Getting married B) Getting a house C) Populating the Earth with awesome minions of destruction (with good hair)? " It's frankly annoying. Cos there's only so many ways for me to say "I don't know" and then their "Agh, shame, *head tilt*" kinda kills the conversation. In the meantime, people will just have to be content with pictures of my dogs and honey nut lattes if there's a need to dissect details of my life.

2) People preaching to me

You know the old saying "Sitting in Church doesn't make you a Christian; just like standing in your garage doesn't make you a car"? I really wish people applied this principle. Whether I'm praising God, Allah, Buddha, or Ra it has nothing to do with anyone else but me. (So please stop coming up to me at funerals and asking what church I belong to like it's a cult or you're selling it like an Avon product) Some of the "evilest" (I'm trying to use this loosely) people I know, religiously attend church; proclaim in every way to be a Christian, but wouldn't give a starving man stale bread. I'm sorry, but I'd rather be a good person than a religious one. And when it comes to judgement day I know St Peter and I will kick it laughing and saying "Boy, you had a good run."

3) People who waste my time

Fickleness, Fakeness, Flakiness, all of the "F"s... When we started dating (for the 2nd time) Jarryd told me something that stuck, and I now use as a rule: "If it's maybe - it's always no". And that's how I make all of life's important decisions - If I would rather be re-reading Harry Potter in bed on a Thursday night, then that's where I'll be.

4) Racism, Sexism, Homophobia-ism - every form of -ism

South Africa celebrated Freedom Day this week, I've spent 22 of my 26 years as "Free". What utter bull. Racism is as rife as if Hitler, Verwoerd and Jim Crow are still alive and kicking (lynching or gassing works too). When will it ever end? Does the next generation have a hope in hell of being equal? Or has segregation and discrimination been so deep rooted into our DNA??

5) Mark Zuckerberg and his cronies coming up with "Facebook memories"

Just when I think I'm getting somewhere in life, in swoops a pigeon to dump on my parade. I'm probably guilty of checking my Facebook memories atleast once a week, it's like scratching at scabs you're not supposed to touch. And everytime I do it, I only have 3 thoughts:
1) You weren't as fat as you thought you were. (Now you ARE)
2) WHY did you think incorrect grammar and spelling was cool?!?
3) F#@$, *DELETE*