We are heading into the Silly Season. Where there's Sunshine and Happiness and Cocktails... and of course... People who force me to write rants... Please make sure you're not one of these people this season...
1) The New Girlfriend that has not yet met the friends...
My social media timelines tell me that there are a lot of new relationships that have sprung up, so there's a good possibility of the following situation arising... I was a t a party a while ago and was scanning the crowd (as one does) and one person stuck out. The New GF. On the outset she looked cool, she scanned me to determine if I was a threat or not, her deer-eyes went from burn to blank very quickly when she noticed my boyfriend alongside me, and she breathed a little easier. She did this to everyone she was introduced to that evening. What has our society become that our first instinct when meeting new people is to defend / attack? Isn't cape Town cliche-dly clique-y enough? I suggest new GF reads: Why She Seemingly Hates Your Female Friends More Than Your PS3. To find out if she genuinely needs to worry.
2) The Coffee Snob
So the illiterate barista burnt your slow-roast again? AND the foam fern isn't "insta-worthy"? Oh, poor you! And the beans weren't filtered through the anus of an exotic monkey? Poor, poor you... Remember that time people didn't have clean water? YA, didn't think so!
3) The person that brings frozen, uncut, uncleaned chicken to a braai.
If you didn't want to attend you should've just stayed at home, and no, you can't have one of my beers, and don't complain when your chicken is raw and burnt.
4) The Game Inviters
Ahh, these mystical beings that seem to have nothing but time and overly ironic "lives" on their hands. Please refrain from sending me these carpal-tunnel inducing, time-wasting activities. Look up from your phone and get a real life.
5) People who claim to be religious but are really selfish, conniving, spiteful & cruel.
Stop calling yourself "blessed". God did not bless you with a PS4 or Iphone6 :/ We wish you could be blessed with a brain though...
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