Kiss Me Under The Light Of A Thousand Stars... And Swim Like It's Your First Day At The Beach... #HappyHolidays

 

You know when you look at a picture and you KNOW it's posed? The people aren't REALLY that inlove, THAT happy or having THAT much fun? Think of those "photoshoots" all over your social networks with people clad in unnatural white t-shirts and awful props. So naturally when people commented on my weekend away pictures to say that it "looked amazing" I responded "But it really was"... Sure 67% of the pictures were strategically taken with an Instagram filter in mind, but they also truly captured the feeling of the weekend my friends and I had.

It was truly one of THE best memory-making moments of my life!! And one I'd gladly do a thousand times over.

 I found Eselfonten Getaway on Google during my copious planning sessions. The Adrenaline-Junkie in me had suggested zip-lining to the friendship circle and I was quite pleased when they were up for making an entire weekend of it.

The farm & Guesthouse is absolutely breath-taking. (And be sure to say hello to Ben, Bella & Boris) I thought the absence of "Eskom electricity & plugs" would be an issue. But alas, we had fun figuring out the gas & solar power and watching the cows graze.

The dam and river also provided hours of entertainment and swimming lessons! :) Everyone should really swim like it's Shaaheen's first day at the beach, there's simply no other way to enjoy the water...

One of the other fun things was to cook and braai with a large group of friends. There is something truly special about sharing a meal together. Le Boyfriend and I combined our culinary skills (& tested our patience) by making our first Seafood Potjie (combined recipe of the father-in-law & Jan Braai no less).

The zip-lining itself was on another level. Pun intended. The service and coordination by Ceres Zipslide Adventures was phenomenal and such an amazing experience! Special thanks to Demetri for all the arrangements!

All-in-all an action-packed and ultimately BEYOND AMAZING (Running out of adjectives) holiday, and basically in our backyard. I'm starting to understand my father's insistence that I first explore at home before rushing to get my passport stamped...

Well, where to next friends???

 xxxo

 

  

I didn't greet you because I fear being harassed, robbed, raped or murdered, not because I'm a mean girl...

I’m wearing a dress today. Which for one means, I can’t walk past the construction site at the back, or even outside for that matter. What has our society become that we, women, have to constantly have our guards up against “compliments”, especially when they are delivered with a creepy leer?

And then when we don’t respond are labelled rude and ungrateful? UNGRATEFUL?!?! Really?!

  

A few journalists and other activists have recently conducted experiments on the streets of the world to see how women are treated by onlookers, the results are disgusting. 

  

As a society we need to stop teaching girls to protect themselves and rather teach boys respect and how to behave. Sure it’s not always gender based (see What Street Harassment Would Be Like For Men by Jessica Bell )

  

Much like the chicken probably hates his motives being questioned every time he crosses the road, I too hate having to walk any street in South Africa. Let’s hope the 16 Days of Activism heightens awareness for the various types of harassment above and beyond the campaign against abuse of women & children.

  

I’m not saying we shouldn’t exchange pleasantries, but unwanted attention is not a compliment. And overbearingness is quite frankly ridiculous. “Hello” is not an invitation for anyone to feel entitled to anything.

Just 'cos I was "Last Seen at 8.06am" doesn't mean you need to say hello, Stalker...

I’ve just started watching the series Stalker, and I must say I was apprehensive at first. Firstly, Tavia suggested it to me, the same twisted mind that made me watch The Strangers, but then again, anything Tavia usually suggests is good entertainment, especially if it makes HER jump. One thing Stalker does is make you think, and also you suddenly become very aware of your dog’s eyes on you, in your towel, in your room, alone at home…

And another thing Stalker has taught me is that people stalk in many, many different ways. Not only is it a creep in a hoody behind a bush (where do you still get bushes these days anyway?)… Anybody is susceptible to stalking… In modern times it’s our inability to escape the impending doom of the dreaded blue ticks.

It’s sad when you realise just how dependent we’ve become on validation from others in the form of “likes” or the need for someone to respond instantly. I’ll be honest, I’ve had moments where I’ve been upset waiting for a reply. But then there are days where I miss my childhood when my father had to come search for me in a field down the road because I didn’t want to go inside, now I get messages to bring him coffee… in the next room!

What’s that got to do with stalking you might ask? Well, have you ever felt trapped by your social media networks or things like WhatsApp’s “Last seen”? Then you know exactly what I mean…

The worst thing for me is an empty conversation and if someone is trying to “talk” to you constantly it starts to raise my eyebrows. Even more so, if they never SAY anything. “How are you” conversations, as I call them, are the bane of my 1-day-lasting battery. If you really cared I’d see you.

 

And then there’s the downright “What Are You Looking For” traits that make me pull my face like this:

-That awkward moment when LinkedIn busts you for stalking, if we’re not high school friends and you don’t have any intention of hiring me, please don’t endorse me for skills you never knew I had. 

-Liking pictures from 2009… I think we’ve all experienced this one. No-one needs to see that jug in my hand, it happened, it’s gone, you’re not nostalgic, you’re creepy.

-Remember that time you hated rugby / cricket / soccer / insert musical band etc? But yet here you are, 7 rows behind me… nice Ray-Bans…

What’s the lesson here? Invest in “real time” with people who matter. Stop looking for validation and know when to stop investing in someone who has no interest in you.

7 Summer Things You Think You Have To Do, But Don't... And some you should totes (yes, totes) consider!

1) Get a "Summer" Body
Your body should be fit & healthy all year round, not just for 3 months and then you go back to not caring about possibly eating yourself into a happy, diabetic coma.

2) Watch the sunset
Ok, now it's dark, now what? Sure, it's really beautiful, breathtaking, etc etc etc... but it's going to happen every day for the next 5 Billion years till the sun dies and kills everyone. Enjoy!

3) Take a million pictures of an ice-cream cone.
It's melting. EAT IT EAT IT EAT IT!!! Okay, are you in a beautiful city for the backdrop? Is it the most epic flavour ever? Is it Salted Caramel Fudge? Mmm... Okay nevermind, go ahead...

4) Go for sushi.
Almost as overrated as Nutella.
Sure it's delicious, but is it steak?? No.

5) Get a tan. Fake or real.
You're either going to go purple, get cancer or look like a naked, pink mole rat.

6) Go to the beach for that matter
You have a pool & shade in your yard, why do you want to trek for 3km from the parking lot in 40 degree C heat to sit on 40 degree C sand and you can't even cool off in water that's -2 degrees? Here's looking at you over-rated Clifton 4th.

7) Have plans 24/7
Rest is a plan too. Embrace the FOMO, and relish in it... you don't have to be doing something just because it's Summer.

& 7 Things you should do!

If you're in Cape Town (especially):

1) The Community Chest Twilight Run

2) Hike the peninsula and surrounds

3) Have a good old braai & games night

4) Make memories

5) Do something different

6) Have fun!

7) Don't do it for the Instagram picture!

How to Not be the New Girlfriend Sore-Thumb & other Tips for the Socially Retarded & Weird

We are heading into the Silly Season. Where there's Sunshine and Happiness and Cocktails... and of course... People who force me to write rants... Please make sure you're not one of these people this season...

1) The New Girlfriend that has not yet met the friends...

My social media timelines tell me that there are a lot of new relationships that have sprung up, so there's a good possibility of the following situation arising... I was a t a party a while ago and was scanning the crowd (as one does) and one person stuck out. The New GF. On the outset she looked cool, she scanned me to determine if I was a threat or not, her deer-eyes went from burn to blank very quickly when she noticed my boyfriend alongside me, and she breathed a little easier. She did this to everyone she was introduced to that evening. What has our society become that our first instinct when meeting new people is to defend / attack? Isn't cape Town cliche-dly clique-y enough? I suggest new GF reads: Why She Seemingly Hates Your Female Friends More Than Your PS3.  To find out if she genuinely needs to worry.

2) The Coffee Snob

So the illiterate barista burnt your slow-roast again? AND the foam fern isn't "insta-worthy"? Oh, poor you! And the beans weren't filtered through the anus of an exotic monkey? Poor, poor you... Remember that time people didn't have clean water? YA, didn't think so!  

3) The person that brings frozen, uncut, uncleaned chicken to a braai.

If you didn't want to attend you should've just stayed at home, and no, you can't have one of my beers, and don't complain when your chicken is raw and burnt.

4) The Game Inviters

Ahh, these mystical beings that seem to have nothing but time and overly ironic "lives" on their hands. Please refrain from sending me these carpal-tunnel inducing, time-wasting activities. Look up from your phone and get a real life.

5) People who claim to be religious but are really selfish, conniving, spiteful & cruel.

Stop calling yourself "blessed". God did not bless you with a PS4 or Iphone6 :/ We wish you could be blessed with a brain though...

5 Reasons Dad Will Always be the Best Chauffeur

I'm used to driving myself around and being an independent woman. But sometimes circumstances dictate that I have to be chauffeured. And to avoid thinking about my impending doom as a my-citi bus passes an eyelash away from my face and the passenger window I (attempt to) bite my tongue and appreciate the service my father so willingly provides. (I swear that was not meant to sound at all sarcastic.) That too. There are some pros though...

1) He is not a woman-driver.

And he makes sure all women know this. Including my favourite back-seat driver: my mom :)

2) He acts as a stylist.

"When are you going to brush your hair?"

"Is that REALLY pants?"

"Why haven't you taken off your pajamas? Is it casual day at work?"

3) He tries to drop you as close to point X as possible.
Even if it means obstructing everyone else. Committing 3 traffic violations to get to the TomTom voice of "You have arrived at your destination."

4) There's a lesson at every turn.

Sometimes the lesson is to turn.

5) If he can't be your knight, he'll send in the Cavalry...

Whether it's 3am or 8pm, he is always on call, or he'll make a call to reinforcements who know to bring chocolate... 

So I guess... thanks, dad :) is it 4.47pm yet?

How My One Month of Pole Dancing for Fitness Classes Made Me Feel Like a Sexy Beast, Despite Being 10-15kg Too Fat for Society

I've always been a chubby girl, maybe not always but I've always had those "life would be easier if" moments. Easier if I were 10 cm taller, my knees didn't knock and weren't inherently skew. Easier if I could touch my toes without doing a ballet plie. Easier if I could go into a store and not spend 30 mins cringing under the fluorescents and cursing the Chinese sizing. Easier if everything would stay in place and not go wandering in various directions, here's looking at you 36C and 36C & a bit... But then one day I thought about it... Easier for whom?

Cliché as it is: sure I don't look like the girl on the cover of the magazine, but then neither does she... I love my life and how I look is only a small part of that. Am I completely happy with my body? Of course not! But that's why I'm on this lil journey called life, to work at things till I'm happy with them!

It's no use moaning and then stuffing my face with oreos and starving doesn't help either. I've found that the best solution is to have everything in moderation, find a balance, learn to throw punch, take a run and maybe do some spins on a pole...

I've been doing boxing fitness classes for a while, not competitively, just enough to channel my road rage and know how to kick ass if need be.

I'm also up for trying everything atleast once, so I jumped at the chance to do a trial month of pole dancing for fitness with my usual sparring partner and besties. We did our classes at Pole Dance Cape Town, Check out their website and Facebook page for details.

Pole is not for the faint-hearted or weak-willed. It takes quite a bit of grit and determination. Once you start achieving tricks and flips and spins though, it's really fun!

The combination cardio, yoga & dance is very fast-paced and builds your strength quite quickly. On the first day I couldn't lift my "Kardashianess" off the ground for longer than 5 seconds, by the last class I could atleast do full drama queen.

Pole Dance Cape Town has the nicest instructors, they are fierce, awesome and extremely helpful and encouraging. I implore society to have an open mind, pole dance for fitness does not make a woman a stripper any more than ballet for rugby fitness makes a man "gay". We really need to stop these narrow-minded ways of thinking... I will hopefully return one day when life permits it, but first I need to shed my final excuses!